An Open Letter to Danny Gokey

Dear Danny Gokey,

I want to start this post of by explaining why I’m writing this to you.

I recently went through a break-up and it absolutely destroyed me. Day in and day out, I’d find myself crying my eyes out at the most random times and at literally everything. I had crazy thoughts going through my head for the longest time. I honestly just felt like I couldn’t go on with life.

Why?

Simply over a boy who I devoted more time into than I did God. When me and said boy began dating, we had God be the center of our relationship, we’d go to church together, we’d listen to Christian music together, we’d pray together when we would leave each other. Then over time, He became less and less the focus of our relationship and pretty much became nonexistent.

I found myself thinking that after we broke up, God was punishing me. God was mad at me because I stopped giving time to Him, I stopped thanking Him for everything He did for me. Which in turn made me mad at God. I yelled at Him daily. I begging Him to bring the guy back to me.

Until my mom told me to pray, to reach out to God, reach out to Godly people. And that’s exactly what I did.

I reached out to a girl I grew up with whom I knew was a devoted Christian and she told me about your song Tell Your Heart to Beat Again. When she first told me to listen to it, I didn’t. I told myself that it was just another depressing song I’d listen to and cry because once again, I wasn’t good enough.

Until one day, I felt like God reached out to me and told me to listen to the song. He wanted to calm my broken and weary heart. So I turned on your song…

“Shattered like you’ve never been before. The life you knew in a thousand pieces on the floor…” 

As soon as those words hit my ears, I knew this song was going to be more than a song to me, as weird as that may be.

I continued to listen to this song on repeat for days. I wrote some of the lyrics on the dry erase boards in my room for daily reminders. When I started getting sad again, I’d play your song.

“Yesterday’s a closing door. You don’t live there anymore. Say goodbye to where you’ve been and tell your heart to beat again.” 

And that’s what I had to do. I had to forget about the things that happened in my yesterdays. I had to realize that I no longer was apart of a world where I let a single boy control everything I did and said. I had to say goodbye to the girl I was for almost three years, and I had to tell my broken heart that it needed to beat again and be whole.

Let every heartbreak and every scar be a picture that reminds you who has carried you this far cause love seems farther than you ever could.”

Finally, I had to tell myself that this heartbreak I was going through, God did it, but He didn’t do it in a malicious way. He did it because He knew I needed to go through that before I find the Godly man He knows I deserve. I had to tell myself that God was holding my hand and He was walking with me through the pain.

Last night, February 4, 2017, I attended Winter Jam in Atlanta with no intention of seeing you there or hearing your music. I mean, why would I? You weren’t on the line-up.

You walked out on stage, sang a few songs, and then you sang Tell Your Heart to Beat Again. It took all I had in me not to break down then and there. All I could do was close my eyes and raise my hands up to the Lord because that day I found myself thinking about my ex again, and whether or not God intended it to happen, hearing that song told me to “get back up, take step one, leave the darkness” and feel the sun.

So with all of that being said, thank you, Danny Gokey, for helping me realize that this is all apart of God’s plan and there is a much greater plan that He has for me.

 

Sincerely,

 

A dedicated fan.

 

 

Thank You

imageDear siblings,

Thank you for being the best brothers and sisters anyone could ever ask for.

I am so blessed and lucky to be able to call the four of you my siblings.

I don’t know where I would be without y’all. There is more to the word “brother” or sister” when it comes to you guys. When it comes to y’all, two words come to mind– best friends. I know I often complain about not having friends, and being lonely, but I have the greatest people in my life. No one compares to you guys.

So thank you.

Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for always answering your phones when I need someone to talk to. Thank you for meeting me at Waffle House at 12 AM and watching me cry. Thank you for always replying to my texts when I need to vent about how stupid people are or how much I hate work. Thank you for sharing your children with me.

Thank you for listening to me talk for hours about nothing, and pretending to be interested. Thank you for attempting to watch shows I love with me and not tell me to shut up every time I talk. Thank you for watching the stupid television shows and movies I love and you guys hate.

Thank you for letting me borrow your clothes and shoes. Thank you for giving me fashion advice because Lord knows I need it more than anything. Thank you for introducing me to movies I’ve never seen or music I’ve never heard. Thank you for going to endless concerts with me.

Thank you for inviting me into your homes, allowing me to crash on your couches–or daughter’s bed. Thank you for going to Barnes and Noble every time I want another book, even if I have twelve I still need to read. Thank you for letting me eat your food, and steal your movies, and drag you to the donut shops or mexican where the waiters totally hit on you the entire time.

Thank you for the endless laughs, jokes, and pedicures. Thank you for all the late nights, the hot dogs, and the coffee dates. Thank you for letting me use your discounts. Thank you for supporting me in everything I do. Thank you for giving me lots of love, even if it’s rarely ever said. Thank you for telling me I stink when I come home from work.

I could go on forever on why I’m so thankful to have y’all as my best friends, but there wouldn’t be enough time in the world. I never in a million years would have thought that we would be where we are today in our relationship, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Just know whenever any of you need anything, I’m always here and that will never change.

Thank you for being my best friends.