To The Girl Finally Turning The Page

 This post is for all the girls who spend days, weeks, or even months curled up in a ball in bed crying your eyes out, begging him to come back. This post is for all the girls out there that finally decided that they spent far too many hours obsessing over a guy who probably hasn’t thought about them twice…or even once for that matter.

Like many of my other posts, I take forever to write them. I spend so much time trying to find the right words to say to my followers, and really myself, that by the time I write it, feelings have completely changed. 

Obviously by my past blog posts, you all know that I recently went through a break-up. While it was totally mutual, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I spent the first couple of weeks constantly thinking about him, wondering where he was or who he was with. I stalked the heck out of his social media. 

People would still ask me about him and I’d break down. I’d hear a song we use to jam to, and I’d cry. So many things would remind me of him, and I would always lose it.

Then one day, everything changed. I decided I really didn’t want him anymore. It took weeks for me to realize that I wasn’t missing him; I was missing the constant companionship. I was missing always having someone to call/text when I wanted to go eat or go to the movies or to go shopping. I missed having someone to send a funny video to or a stupid joke. I didn’t miss him though. 

I learned that there were too many differences in our lives. I learned that I should have never planned a future with someone I started dating in high school. I learned I shouldn’t have taken for granted all the memeories we made. I learned that no matter how bad we wanted it to work, no matter how much we claimed we loved each other, that there just wasn’t a future for us. 

God puts certain people in your life at certain times to teach you lessons. He puts friends in your life to teach you who to trust and how to trust. He puts you in a relationship to teach you how to love and to allow you to learn how much you’re willing to put up with. Every person He takes from you is there to help move you along in life. 

It was a fun ride. It was a long, stressful two and a half years. We went through a lot of things in two and a half years that people shouldn’t go through, but we did it together. There were so many good things I’ll take from my relationship, but there were also many bad things that I don’t want to remember. 

So to the girl who’s finally ready to turn the page to the next chapter, congratulations. It’s hard and takes a lot to reach that point after a long relationship. 

Start focusing on yourself. Find yourself if you lost it in the person you were with. Read books. Go on trips. Go see your favorite artist in concert. Visit museums. Have lots of girls night. Eat all the Mexican food your little heart desires. 

And enjoy this next chapter. 

The Final Goodbye of 2016

Falling in love with you was the worst decision I’ve ever made. 

Three years ago, I made that decision to love you. To love you with every part of me, fully and fearlessly. Through the bad and through the good. The hard and the easy. The boring and the exciting. 

And boy, did I have to put up with some crap that I shouldn’t have had to, but I did and I stayed and I stuck by your side. And loved you more than anything. 

I planned my entire future around you. I planned it to be with you. And you did, too. 

Until one day you decided I was no longer apart of your future or your present. 

You decided there was no place left for me in your life. There was no more happiness, there was no more laughs, there was no more adventure. 

When you left, it broke me. You took my heart with you. I lost apart of me–if not most of me.

It’s funny, isn’t it? You spend so much time with someone, and for some reason you become their everything, their entire world. And then one day, you decide to leave and then they’re left with nothing. 

It’s so funny to me because I did make you my world and that was my biggest mistake. It’s hard to go places because every one of my favorite places, I took you to. All the songs I once loved are so hard to listen to because you started loving them as well. So many memories were made with you that I want to so badly forget about. 

When we first broke up, all I wanted was for you to come back to me. All I wanted was to wake up to a text, or see you at my door, but it never happened. Every day I wanted you back, you were busy moving on with your life. 

It’s only been about three weeks, and it’s still hard, but it’s getting easier every day. I miss you less and less, I wonder what you’re doing less and less, but there is still a part of me that wishes you’d change your mind.

I do wish you nothing but the best. I have nothing bad to say about you because you are amazing. You’ve always been amazing. You’re so caring, and loving, and you’re so sweet. You’re supportive and you’re trustworthy. 

Once you do a little growing up, someone is going to be so lucky to have you. They’ll get to see what I’ve seen in your from the beginning. 

As I say goodbye to 2016, I also say goodbye to you. The piece of my heart that I lost. 

Old Friends…New Life

Most of the time we are told that once we leave high school, we are going to lose most of the friends we think we have. At the time I was told this, I was positive it was a lie; In my mind, I knew that the friends I had would be there with me forever, but what person doesn’t think that, right?

The two people I swore would be there with me through it all were the people I met back in elementary school. They were the perfect people in my eyes, the perfect friends. Granted, they weren’t friends with each other, but they were my best friends and I wouldn’t have ever changed anything for the world. They were my backbone, they were the people that were there for me when I went through a heartbreak or a hard time, when things were good and when things were bad.

I did everything with, lets call her “Agetha.” Agetha was the best friend anyone could ask for. Her family welcomed me in from the beginning, pretty much. Every single one of them treated me like I was part of the family. I called her mom and dad, mom and dad. I called her my sister. We were with each other all the time, practically day and night, weekends, vacations. You name it, we were doing it. I knew she was the friend I would have for the rest of my life since the day I started public school in second grade.

Fast forward two years to fourth grade. That’s when I met my second best friend, and we’ll call her “Annie.” Our friendship wasn’t as strong as mine and Agetha’s at the beginning, but eventually as the years went on, it grew. When things fell apart with Agetha or when Agethat wasn’t available, Annie was there. We had so much fun together, planned our futures as best friends together.

Then senior year in high school rolled around years later. Things started getting rocky with my friendship with Agetha. She started hanging out with other people and I guess you could say I got jealous. Things were said by other people, and one day by one day our friendship died. So then I was left with only Annie.

But believe me, there wasn’t anything bad about that. Annie was awesome. Annie was my best friend all throughout junior and senior year. Well most of senior year.

Then I met a boy…well I’ve known this boy, but this boy, we’ll call him Andrew, started meaning a lot to me. I’m not going to say that he’s the reason mine and Annie’s friendship died, but I feel like this had a big reason because once me and Andrew started getting serious, I felt as though Annie started pulling away.

Anyways, the point of this post is because lately, I’ve missed the heck out of both Annie and Agetha. I miss the two people who I called my best friends, my sisters. I miss having someone I could always count on, someone I could fangirl with, be stupid with.

And if by some crazy chance either of you see this, just know I miss you both and I hope one day we can be friends again.

So, I guess I can end this post by saying, when they said you’ll lose your friends after high school, they were right.

xo, B.