An Open Letter to My Nieces

Dear Nieces, 

I never in a million years would have thought I’d love two people the way I love the both of you.

Madsey, I’ve loved you for six, almost seven, years. You’ve been my best friend for those years. You’ve wiped tears away and told me not to be sad, that you loved me. Even at such a young age, you understood me. 

Lauryn, I will meet you today, but I’ve loved you since the second your mom and dad told me about you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I cannot wait to add another best friend to my life. 

The two of you mean more to me than you’ll ever know. I will always love when you laugh, when you cry, when you beg me to play things I don’t want to. 

I will always be here for you guys. When you just don’t think you can go to your mom and dad, I will always be a listening ear. I will always be someone you can come to when you need advice on guys or make up. 

It’s so hard for me to write this because I cannot put into words the love I have for you two. 

I’m so blessed to be able to call the two of you my nieces. People always say they have the best ones, but it’s not true. 

You’re both beautiful. 

You’re both strong. 

You’re both incredibly loved. 

I just want you to know that no matter what, no matter the distance, I am here and I love you. 

Always. 

Love, 

Britt-Britt/Bon-Bon ❤️

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An Open Letter to Danny Gokey

Dear Danny Gokey,

I want to start this post of by explaining why I’m writing this to you.

I recently went through a break-up and it absolutely destroyed me. Day in and day out, I’d find myself crying my eyes out at the most random times and at literally everything. I had crazy thoughts going through my head for the longest time. I honestly just felt like I couldn’t go on with life.

Why?

Simply over a boy who I devoted more time into than I did God. When me and said boy began dating, we had God be the center of our relationship, we’d go to church together, we’d listen to Christian music together, we’d pray together when we would leave each other. Then over time, He became less and less the focus of our relationship and pretty much became nonexistent.

I found myself thinking that after we broke up, God was punishing me. God was mad at me because I stopped giving time to Him, I stopped thanking Him for everything He did for me. Which in turn made me mad at God. I yelled at Him daily. I begging Him to bring the guy back to me.

Until my mom told me to pray, to reach out to God, reach out to Godly people. And that’s exactly what I did.

I reached out to a girl I grew up with whom I knew was a devoted Christian and she told me about your song Tell Your Heart to Beat Again. When she first told me to listen to it, I didn’t. I told myself that it was just another depressing song I’d listen to and cry because once again, I wasn’t good enough.

Until one day, I felt like God reached out to me and told me to listen to the song. He wanted to calm my broken and weary heart. So I turned on your song…

“Shattered like you’ve never been before. The life you knew in a thousand pieces on the floor…” 

As soon as those words hit my ears, I knew this song was going to be more than a song to me, as weird as that may be.

I continued to listen to this song on repeat for days. I wrote some of the lyrics on the dry erase boards in my room for daily reminders. When I started getting sad again, I’d play your song.

“Yesterday’s a closing door. You don’t live there anymore. Say goodbye to where you’ve been and tell your heart to beat again.” 

And that’s what I had to do. I had to forget about the things that happened in my yesterdays. I had to realize that I no longer was apart of a world where I let a single boy control everything I did and said. I had to say goodbye to the girl I was for almost three years, and I had to tell my broken heart that it needed to beat again and be whole.

Let every heartbreak and every scar be a picture that reminds you who has carried you this far cause love seems farther than you ever could.”

Finally, I had to tell myself that this heartbreak I was going through, God did it, but He didn’t do it in a malicious way. He did it because He knew I needed to go through that before I find the Godly man He knows I deserve. I had to tell myself that God was holding my hand and He was walking with me through the pain.

Last night, February 4, 2017, I attended Winter Jam in Atlanta with no intention of seeing you there or hearing your music. I mean, why would I? You weren’t on the line-up.

You walked out on stage, sang a few songs, and then you sang Tell Your Heart to Beat Again. It took all I had in me not to break down then and there. All I could do was close my eyes and raise my hands up to the Lord because that day I found myself thinking about my ex again, and whether or not God intended it to happen, hearing that song told me to “get back up, take step one, leave the darkness” and feel the sun.

So with all of that being said, thank you, Danny Gokey, for helping me realize that this is all apart of God’s plan and there is a much greater plan that He has for me.

 

Sincerely,

 

A dedicated fan.

 

 

The Final Goodbye of 2016

Falling in love with you was the worst decision I’ve ever made. 

Three years ago, I made that decision to love you. To love you with every part of me, fully and fearlessly. Through the bad and through the good. The hard and the easy. The boring and the exciting. 

And boy, did I have to put up with some crap that I shouldn’t have had to, but I did and I stayed and I stuck by your side. And loved you more than anything. 

I planned my entire future around you. I planned it to be with you. And you did, too. 

Until one day you decided I was no longer apart of your future or your present. 

You decided there was no place left for me in your life. There was no more happiness, there was no more laughs, there was no more adventure. 

When you left, it broke me. You took my heart with you. I lost apart of me–if not most of me.

It’s funny, isn’t it? You spend so much time with someone, and for some reason you become their everything, their entire world. And then one day, you decide to leave and then they’re left with nothing. 

It’s so funny to me because I did make you my world and that was my biggest mistake. It’s hard to go places because every one of my favorite places, I took you to. All the songs I once loved are so hard to listen to because you started loving them as well. So many memories were made with you that I want to so badly forget about. 

When we first broke up, all I wanted was for you to come back to me. All I wanted was to wake up to a text, or see you at my door, but it never happened. Every day I wanted you back, you were busy moving on with your life. 

It’s only been about three weeks, and it’s still hard, but it’s getting easier every day. I miss you less and less, I wonder what you’re doing less and less, but there is still a part of me that wishes you’d change your mind.

I do wish you nothing but the best. I have nothing bad to say about you because you are amazing. You’ve always been amazing. You’re so caring, and loving, and you’re so sweet. You’re supportive and you’re trustworthy. 

Once you do a little growing up, someone is going to be so lucky to have you. They’ll get to see what I’ve seen in your from the beginning. 

As I say goodbye to 2016, I also say goodbye to you. The piece of my heart that I lost. 

When Life Throws a Different Pitch

If you’re anything like me, you know where your life is going, you know what your future holds, your future job, your future wedding will be like, and who you’re going to marry.

Or you don’t know anything.

Maybe you’ll get married in 3 years, or maybe something amazing will happen and you’ll get married in a year. Maybe you’ll start school and graduate in four years, or maybe you’ll start and never finish because you decide college isn’t for you.

But I’m here to tell you, it’s okay if you don’t know what you want in life.

It’s okay if you want to change your major 7 times. Maybe you wanting to try out being a teacher and that was terrifying. Maybe you thought you wanted to be a policeman and the thought of never coming home one day wasn’t one you wanted. Or maybe you thought you wanted to be an engineer and all the science and math classes just weren’t your taste. That’s okay. It’s all trial and error and eventually you’ll figure out what you want. And if you don’t, that’s okay, too.

BUT it is okay if you konw exactly what your major is and you’ve known for years now. It’s okay if you went in the first day of classes, sat in the front row, and made friends with your professors. It’s okay if you went to your first classroom on your first day of observations, looked at your observating teacher, and told him/her that this is what you’ve wanted for as long as you can remember. It’s okay to be confident in the choices you make in your educational life.

It’s okay if you don’t want to get married at 24. Sometimes jumping right into marriage is scary for people. The thought of spending the rest of your life with someone, spending infinite hours and days and years with that person is something you haven’t reached in life yet. That’s okay. Find someone who is willing to wait until you are ready to take that next step in life.

But it’s also okay if you’re ready to get married at the age of 22. There are some people in the world that cannot wait to say “I do” to the man or woman of their dreams–that would be me. Sometimes in life, you just find the one. You find the one who gives you butterflies everytime they say your name, or smile that oh-so-adorable smile. You find the one where you can’t bear to live a day without them, and you know that no matter what happens, that is the one you want to be with forever. That is okay.

It’s okay if you never find a major you love, or a dog who suits your every need, or your favorite food, or your favorite sport. It’s okay to want to try new or different things. It’s okay to question decisions. It’s okay to not know what you want at all times. It’s okay to know what you want as well.

Just remember, at any given moment, life can throw you a fastball, and then switch it up with a curveball, but you’ll always end with a homerun.

It’s okay.

When You Just Can’t Seem To Win

Have you ever tried so hard to be the perfect someone? Whether it be for your parents, a significant other, or just someone you want to look perfect for…

Have you ever tried so hard to be the perfect someone, but you never ever seem to be able to do it? No matter what you do they always find fault in it, you’re never good enough.

For the last two years or so, I’ve been trying to live up to these unreachable standards that have been set by someone that shouldn’t even mean that much to me. I’ve wanted to be the perfect, model citizen. The person who doesn’t do any wrong, never says a bad word, doesn’t touch alcohol…the list is endless.

But recently I’ve realized, those thing I’ve been trying not to do are already part of who I am. I don’t cuss, I don’t drink, I don’t sleep around…I’m always comparing myself to the people that this person finds to be perfect, and I can’t see any way I’m not just as good as them.

I’m trying to be something that I already am and something that I’ll never be so for the people trying to live up to these realistic expectations, STOP. Stop trying to be something you’re not. Stop trying to be everything this person wants you to be. You are perfect the way you are and nothing will ever change that.

If someone can’t accept you for who you are, they aren’t worth being in your life. While you may miss out on a couple things in life by not living up to whatever they want, they’re missing out on so much more than they could ever imagine. You should feel bad for them. Don’t ever feel bad about not being “good enough” for them.

You’re good enough in someone’s eyes. You’re good enough in your mom and dad’s eyes. They’re just biggest critics. They love you.You’re good enough for your boyfriend or girlfriend. You’re just looking for reasons not to be. And you’re good enough for anyone else and if you’re not, forget them. They don’t matter.

You’re good enough.

When I Finally Knew I Loved You

We knew each other for a few years. We interacted randomly throughout the school years, and more during baseball season, but that was it. We didn’t text ever, we never hung out. It was a once a year type of friendship. 

I never thought about you in a way that meant more than a friend. I was never attracted to you, even though I always thought you were “adorable.” Granted, I could’ve never been attracted to you because I always had a boyfriend. 

And then one day, everything changed. 

It was a typical game day. I was getting the concession stand ready, you were going to practice. The weather was perfect. You walked over to the concession stand for a drink, said hey to me, and my life hasn’t been the same since. 

You turned into a perfect human being. 

I began thinking about you all the time. 

I wanted to be around you. 

I wanted to talk to you. 

Suddenly, you became the only thing I could focus on. 

I was suddenly infatuated with you. I wanted to know everything there was to know about you. I was…

Obsessed, I guess you could say. 

Completely hooked. 

That day, I knew I had to make you mine. 

Day in and day out, I wondered what you thought about me. I couldn’t figure out how to approach the whole situation, so I relied on my friends. 

Hundreds of texts, hours of creeping, many pictures later, I dove in. 

Time went on and eventually our simple friendship turned into a constant flirt fest. Whenever we were around each other, there was never a dull moment. 

Flash forward to a few weeks from prom. I knew it was time to make my move…

This was it. 

I chunked a baseball at your head. And that baseball changed my life. 

Prom came, and by then I was already head over heels crazy about you. But that night, I knew I’d love you for the rest of my life. 

And honestly, the rest is history. 

Two years later and I wouldn’t change a thing about where we’ve ended up. 

I love you. Thank you for everything you’ve done over the last two years. Thank you for being the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for being so much more than I deserve. 

I love you.  

    
   

An Open Letter to The Boy Who Broke My Heart

Dear ______, 

I gave you two years of my life. You promised me forever. We planned our future together. You had me tricked that you were my Once Upon a Time, but oh, that just wasn’t true. 

I don’t hate you though. Not at all. At first, I did. I felt so strongly about how much pain you put me through, that I honestly thought I hated you, but I can’t hate you for deciding you didn’t actually love me. It would’ve been selfish to force you to pretend.

I don’t regret the memories made, the laughs shared, the smiles captured, but I do regret the tears cried, the lies built, and the pretending we were happy. 

You broke my heart. I cried for a long time after we finally ended things. Even weeks after we called it quits, I thought I owed it to you if I talked to some guy or went on a daye. I thought I needed to call and tell you and apologize. It took me forever to realize you didn’t care. You didn’t answer my phone calls or reply to my texts. The only thing I ever got from you was a message saying that you were disappointed in me for hanging out with other guys. 

You ruined a lot for me. I’d go somewhere and have to leave because it reminded me of you. I would hear a song and I’d have to change it because it brought back memories of you.  From the first lie, the first time you said you needed time, I should’ve ran, but I didn’t. I tricked myself into believing you were different, that you didn’t really mean any of the mean things you did or said to me. I should’ve listened to my head and I should’ve  ran far, far away. 

It didn’t take long for you to move on and find a new girlfriend. It hurt. I was extremely jealous. And I spent hours endlessly creeping on the two of you. Eventually, I found out you treated that girl the same way. 

Not everything was negative about our relationship. You taught me not to give my all to someone who didn’t put the same effort in. You taught me not to give something up just to make someone stay. You taught me how to love someone truly and with my whole heart. You taught me not to give people chances who did not deserve my trust. But most importantly, you taught me how to forgive. 

I hope life is treating you well and you treat your next girl better than you treated me. 

Sincerely, 

Brittni.