An Open Letter to Danny Gokey

Dear Danny Gokey,

I want to start this post of by explaining why I’m writing this to you.

I recently went through a break-up and it absolutely destroyed me. Day in and day out, I’d find myself crying my eyes out at the most random times and at literally everything. I had crazy thoughts going through my head for the longest time. I honestly just felt like I couldn’t go on with life.

Why?

Simply over a boy who I devoted more time into than I did God. When me and said boy began dating, we had God be the center of our relationship, we’d go to church together, we’d listen to Christian music together, we’d pray together when we would leave each other. Then over time, He became less and less the focus of our relationship and pretty much became nonexistent.

I found myself thinking that after we broke up, God was punishing me. God was mad at me because I stopped giving time to Him, I stopped thanking Him for everything He did for me. Which in turn made me mad at God. I yelled at Him daily. I begging Him to bring the guy back to me.

Until my mom told me to pray, to reach out to God, reach out to Godly people. And that’s exactly what I did.

I reached out to a girl I grew up with whom I knew was a devoted Christian and she told me about your song Tell Your Heart to Beat Again. When she first told me to listen to it, I didn’t. I told myself that it was just another depressing song I’d listen to and cry because once again, I wasn’t good enough.

Until one day, I felt like God reached out to me and told me to listen to the song. He wanted to calm my broken and weary heart. So I turned on your song…

“Shattered like you’ve never been before. The life you knew in a thousand pieces on the floor…” 

As soon as those words hit my ears, I knew this song was going to be more than a song to me, as weird as that may be.

I continued to listen to this song on repeat for days. I wrote some of the lyrics on the dry erase boards in my room for daily reminders. When I started getting sad again, I’d play your song.

“Yesterday’s a closing door. You don’t live there anymore. Say goodbye to where you’ve been and tell your heart to beat again.” 

And that’s what I had to do. I had to forget about the things that happened in my yesterdays. I had to realize that I no longer was apart of a world where I let a single boy control everything I did and said. I had to say goodbye to the girl I was for almost three years, and I had to tell my broken heart that it needed to beat again and be whole.

Let every heartbreak and every scar be a picture that reminds you who has carried you this far cause love seems farther than you ever could.”

Finally, I had to tell myself that this heartbreak I was going through, God did it, but He didn’t do it in a malicious way. He did it because He knew I needed to go through that before I find the Godly man He knows I deserve. I had to tell myself that God was holding my hand and He was walking with me through the pain.

Last night, February 4, 2017, I attended Winter Jam in Atlanta with no intention of seeing you there or hearing your music. I mean, why would I? You weren’t on the line-up.

You walked out on stage, sang a few songs, and then you sang Tell Your Heart to Beat Again. It took all I had in me not to break down then and there. All I could do was close my eyes and raise my hands up to the Lord because that day I found myself thinking about my ex again, and whether or not God intended it to happen, hearing that song told me to “get back up, take step one, leave the darkness” and feel the sun.

So with all of that being said, thank you, Danny Gokey, for helping me realize that this is all apart of God’s plan and there is a much greater plan that He has for me.

 

Sincerely,

 

A dedicated fan.

 

 

Advertisements

An Open Letter to The Girl Who Dates Him Next

Dear ______,

I don’t know whether to say congratulations, you’re so lucky, or to tell you to run away as fast as you can. As Jana Kramer says, I got the boy, but I can’t tell you if you got the man.

I guess I want to tell you a little bit of both.

You are lucky. He’s a great guy. He’ll love you and he’ll show you so much affection it’ll make you sick. But he’ll also probably lie to you about something stupid because he knows what he’s done bothers you. He’ll probably get mad at you because you’re trying to explain something to him but he feels you’re telling him he’s stupid.

You’re lucky because you’ll get someone who tells you he loves you and you make him happy daily, but you also need to run because he just might be lying. He might be telling you that because that’s what he thinks you need to hear right now.

You’re lucky because you have someone who will try really hard to love the things you love and will introduce you to the things he does and you’ll fall in love with those as well, but you should run because sometimes his family makes life too hard. Sometimes his family tries to control every single aspect of your relationship, and while they’re great people, sometimes it becomes too much to handle.

You’re lucky because you got the person I loved so deeply and passionately. You’re lucky because you get to hold what use to be my world in your arms whenever you want to.

But there’s a few things you should know…

He’s indecisive.

He wants you to support him, but don’t ever tell him when he’s wrong.

He pretends you’re important to him, but he’ll probably choose his friends over you.

He won’t stick up for you when it comes to his friends and family because you can “handle yourself.”

He’ll depend on you a little too much where it gets to the point you feel like his mom.

He’s moody.

He’s very emotional.

He’ll lie.

And then act like “sorry” is the answer to any problem.

He’ll ignore any problems that arise.

He’ll tell you things you want to hear…

And make you feel on top of the world.

He’ll stop caring.

He’ll tell you he feels nothing for you.

He’ll tell you he’s done for good…his feelings are never coming back.

And then he’ll leave you.

So right now you are lucky, but a few months from now, maybe even a year or two, you might be the one telling another girl to run as fast as she can.

To The Girl Finally Turning The Page

 This post is for all the girls who spend days, weeks, or even months curled up in a ball in bed crying your eyes out, begging him to come back. This post is for all the girls out there that finally decided that they spent far too many hours obsessing over a guy who probably hasn’t thought about them twice…or even once for that matter.

Like many of my other posts, I take forever to write them. I spend so much time trying to find the right words to say to my followers, and really myself, that by the time I write it, feelings have completely changed. 

Obviously by my past blog posts, you all know that I recently went through a break-up. While it was totally mutual, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I spent the first couple of weeks constantly thinking about him, wondering where he was or who he was with. I stalked the heck out of his social media. 

People would still ask me about him and I’d break down. I’d hear a song we use to jam to, and I’d cry. So many things would remind me of him, and I would always lose it.

Then one day, everything changed. I decided I really didn’t want him anymore. It took weeks for me to realize that I wasn’t missing him; I was missing the constant companionship. I was missing always having someone to call/text when I wanted to go eat or go to the movies or to go shopping. I missed having someone to send a funny video to or a stupid joke. I didn’t miss him though. 

I learned that there were too many differences in our lives. I learned that I should have never planned a future with someone I started dating in high school. I learned I shouldn’t have taken for granted all the memeories we made. I learned that no matter how bad we wanted it to work, no matter how much we claimed we loved each other, that there just wasn’t a future for us. 

God puts certain people in your life at certain times to teach you lessons. He puts friends in your life to teach you who to trust and how to trust. He puts you in a relationship to teach you how to love and to allow you to learn how much you’re willing to put up with. Every person He takes from you is there to help move you along in life. 

It was a fun ride. It was a long, stressful two and a half years. We went through a lot of things in two and a half years that people shouldn’t go through, but we did it together. There were so many good things I’ll take from my relationship, but there were also many bad things that I don’t want to remember. 

So to the girl who’s finally ready to turn the page to the next chapter, congratulations. It’s hard and takes a lot to reach that point after a long relationship. 

Start focusing on yourself. Find yourself if you lost it in the person you were with. Read books. Go on trips. Go see your favorite artist in concert. Visit museums. Have lots of girls night. Eat all the Mexican food your little heart desires. 

And enjoy this next chapter. 

The Final Goodbye of 2016

Falling in love with you was the worst decision I’ve ever made. 

Three years ago, I made that decision to love you. To love you with every part of me, fully and fearlessly. Through the bad and through the good. The hard and the easy. The boring and the exciting. 

And boy, did I have to put up with some crap that I shouldn’t have had to, but I did and I stayed and I stuck by your side. And loved you more than anything. 

I planned my entire future around you. I planned it to be with you. And you did, too. 

Until one day you decided I was no longer apart of your future or your present. 

You decided there was no place left for me in your life. There was no more happiness, there was no more laughs, there was no more adventure. 

When you left, it broke me. You took my heart with you. I lost apart of me–if not most of me.

It’s funny, isn’t it? You spend so much time with someone, and for some reason you become their everything, their entire world. And then one day, you decide to leave and then they’re left with nothing. 

It’s so funny to me because I did make you my world and that was my biggest mistake. It’s hard to go places because every one of my favorite places, I took you to. All the songs I once loved are so hard to listen to because you started loving them as well. So many memories were made with you that I want to so badly forget about. 

When we first broke up, all I wanted was for you to come back to me. All I wanted was to wake up to a text, or see you at my door, but it never happened. Every day I wanted you back, you were busy moving on with your life. 

It’s only been about three weeks, and it’s still hard, but it’s getting easier every day. I miss you less and less, I wonder what you’re doing less and less, but there is still a part of me that wishes you’d change your mind.

I do wish you nothing but the best. I have nothing bad to say about you because you are amazing. You’ve always been amazing. You’re so caring, and loving, and you’re so sweet. You’re supportive and you’re trustworthy. 

Once you do a little growing up, someone is going to be so lucky to have you. They’ll get to see what I’ve seen in your from the beginning. 

As I say goodbye to 2016, I also say goodbye to you. The piece of my heart that I lost. 

When You Just Can’t Seem To Win

Have you ever tried so hard to be the perfect someone? Whether it be for your parents, a significant other, or just someone you want to look perfect for…

Have you ever tried so hard to be the perfect someone, but you never ever seem to be able to do it? No matter what you do they always find fault in it, you’re never good enough.

For the last two years or so, I’ve been trying to live up to these unreachable standards that have been set by someone that shouldn’t even mean that much to me. I’ve wanted to be the perfect, model citizen. The person who doesn’t do any wrong, never says a bad word, doesn’t touch alcohol…the list is endless.

But recently I’ve realized, those thing I’ve been trying not to do are already part of who I am. I don’t cuss, I don’t drink, I don’t sleep around…I’m always comparing myself to the people that this person finds to be perfect, and I can’t see any way I’m not just as good as them.

I’m trying to be something that I already am and something that I’ll never be so for the people trying to live up to these realistic expectations, STOP. Stop trying to be something you’re not. Stop trying to be everything this person wants you to be. You are perfect the way you are and nothing will ever change that.

If someone can’t accept you for who you are, they aren’t worth being in your life. While you may miss out on a couple things in life by not living up to whatever they want, they’re missing out on so much more than they could ever imagine. You should feel bad for them. Don’t ever feel bad about not being “good enough” for them.

You’re good enough in someone’s eyes. You’re good enough in your mom and dad’s eyes. They’re just biggest critics. They love you.You’re good enough for your boyfriend or girlfriend. You’re just looking for reasons not to be. And you’re good enough for anyone else and if you’re not, forget them. They don’t matter.

You’re good enough.

An Open Letter to All The Overbearing Parents

Dear overbearing parents, 

I’ve been lucky enough to not have my parents constantly be overbearing, watching my every move, keeping tabs on who I’m hanging out with. They’ve given me the freedom to grow up while still being parents. 

The reason I’m writing this letter though is because I have friends who have these kind of parents. It bothers me because I see the pain they go through, the struggles they go through just to have a normal, social life. 

I’m not a parent, nor do I have parents who smother me, but I have observed that if you don’t let your kids be kids and make mistakes, they’re never going to grow up, they’re never going to be able to survive on their own. 

Kids need to be allowed to do things that scare them, create relationships that may not last a lifetime, adventure out into the world. They need to be allowed to do the things that will create them. 

I’m not saying completely let the reigns go, but sometimes it’s a good idea to loosen them up, at least by the time they’re 16. Because in reality, in two years they’ll be 18 and be allowed to make their own decisions. 

“But they still live under my roof–my rules.” 

Correct, but that statement can only go so far. What if they find the means to leave? Just pick up their things and walk out of your front door? Don’t make it get to that situation. 

Keep your babies close, but still let them grow up. Let them blossom into the wonderful young adults you’ve always hoped they’d be. 

Quit smothering.

Quit hovering. 

Quit keeping tabs.

Quit double, triple, and quadruple texting them because they haven’t read your first one. 

They’re okay. And they’re always going to come back to you. 

Sincerly, 

A concerned friend. 

An Open Letter to Person I’m Not Good Enough For

To Whom It May Concern: 

I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you. I’m sorry I’ve caused you to think I couldn’t be something important. 

I’m sorry when you think of me, nothing good comes to mind. I’m sorry I can’t think of a single thing that should cause you to feel the way you do towards me. 

I shouldn’t care about what you think, but I do. It’s important to me when you’re important to me, important to people close to me. 

I should just live my life and not continue to worry about what I may or may not do next to make you mad, wonder if there’ll ever be a day you’ll finally be okay with me or if I’ll always be an outsider. 

I hate that you get to control almost every aspect of my life. (Almost) It’s not fair. Your opinion shouldn’t impact my life as much as it does, but maybe I’m the bigger person in this. (LOL) Maybe you’ve got something to figure out in your life. 

I just wish you’d stop taking it out on me. Who knows, maybe you don’t mean to, but you do. Always. I hate knowing there will be something else to try and piece together to wonder what else I could’ve done. 

The only time you’re ever nice to me is when you need something, or I’m helping you out in some way. That’s not cool. 

Maybe one day I’ll stop worrying about you. Maybe one day this resentment I have towards you will go away. Maybe one day we’ll meet in the middle and be able to coexist. 

Or maybe not. 

All I can honestly say is that I’m so sorry I’m not good enough for you. 

, Brittni