To The Girl Finally Turning The Page

 This post is for all the girls who spend days, weeks, or even months curled up in a ball in bed crying your eyes out, begging him to come back. This post is for all the girls out there that finally decided that they spent far too many hours obsessing over a guy who probably hasn’t thought about them twice…or even once for that matter.

Like many of my other posts, I take forever to write them. I spend so much time trying to find the right words to say to my followers, and really myself, that by the time I write it, feelings have completely changed. 

Obviously by my past blog posts, you all know that I recently went through a break-up. While it was totally mutual, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I spent the first couple of weeks constantly thinking about him, wondering where he was or who he was with. I stalked the heck out of his social media. 

People would still ask me about him and I’d break down. I’d hear a song we use to jam to, and I’d cry. So many things would remind me of him, and I would always lose it.

Then one day, everything changed. I decided I really didn’t want him anymore. It took weeks for me to realize that I wasn’t missing him; I was missing the constant companionship. I was missing always having someone to call/text when I wanted to go eat or go to the movies or to go shopping. I missed having someone to send a funny video to or a stupid joke. I didn’t miss him though. 

I learned that there were too many differences in our lives. I learned that I should have never planned a future with someone I started dating in high school. I learned I shouldn’t have taken for granted all the memeories we made. I learned that no matter how bad we wanted it to work, no matter how much we claimed we loved each other, that there just wasn’t a future for us. 

God puts certain people in your life at certain times to teach you lessons. He puts friends in your life to teach you who to trust and how to trust. He puts you in a relationship to teach you how to love and to allow you to learn how much you’re willing to put up with. Every person He takes from you is there to help move you along in life. 

It was a fun ride. It was a long, stressful two and a half years. We went through a lot of things in two and a half years that people shouldn’t go through, but we did it together. There were so many good things I’ll take from my relationship, but there were also many bad things that I don’t want to remember. 

So to the girl who’s finally ready to turn the page to the next chapter, congratulations. It’s hard and takes a lot to reach that point after a long relationship. 

Start focusing on yourself. Find yourself if you lost it in the person you were with. Read books. Go on trips. Go see your favorite artist in concert. Visit museums. Have lots of girls night. Eat all the Mexican food your little heart desires. 

And enjoy this next chapter. 

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Thank You

imageDear siblings,

Thank you for being the best brothers and sisters anyone could ever ask for.

I am so blessed and lucky to be able to call the four of you my siblings.

I don’t know where I would be without y’all. There is more to the word “brother” or sister” when it comes to you guys. When it comes to y’all, two words come to mind– best friends. I know I often complain about not having friends, and being lonely, but I have the greatest people in my life. No one compares to you guys.

So thank you.

Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for always answering your phones when I need someone to talk to. Thank you for meeting me at Waffle House at 12 AM and watching me cry. Thank you for always replying to my texts when I need to vent about how stupid people are or how much I hate work. Thank you for sharing your children with me.

Thank you for listening to me talk for hours about nothing, and pretending to be interested. Thank you for attempting to watch shows I love with me and not tell me to shut up every time I talk. Thank you for watching the stupid television shows and movies I love and you guys hate.

Thank you for letting me borrow your clothes and shoes. Thank you for giving me fashion advice because Lord knows I need it more than anything. Thank you for introducing me to movies I’ve never seen or music I’ve never heard. Thank you for going to endless concerts with me.

Thank you for inviting me into your homes, allowing me to crash on your couches–or daughter’s bed. Thank you for going to Barnes and Noble every time I want another book, even if I have twelve I still need to read. Thank you for letting me eat your food, and steal your movies, and drag you to the donut shops or mexican where the waiters totally hit on you the entire time.

Thank you for the endless laughs, jokes, and pedicures. Thank you for all the late nights, the hot dogs, and the coffee dates. Thank you for letting me use your discounts. Thank you for supporting me in everything I do. Thank you for giving me lots of love, even if it’s rarely ever said. Thank you for telling me I stink when I come home from work.

I could go on forever on why I’m so thankful to have y’all as my best friends, but there wouldn’t be enough time in the world. I never in a million years would have thought that we would be where we are today in our relationship, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Just know whenever any of you need anything, I’m always here and that will never change.

Thank you for being my best friends.

An Open Letter to All The Overbearing Parents

Dear overbearing parents, 

I’ve been lucky enough to not have my parents constantly be overbearing, watching my every move, keeping tabs on who I’m hanging out with. They’ve given me the freedom to grow up while still being parents. 

The reason I’m writing this letter though is because I have friends who have these kind of parents. It bothers me because I see the pain they go through, the struggles they go through just to have a normal, social life. 

I’m not a parent, nor do I have parents who smother me, but I have observed that if you don’t let your kids be kids and make mistakes, they’re never going to grow up, they’re never going to be able to survive on their own. 

Kids need to be allowed to do things that scare them, create relationships that may not last a lifetime, adventure out into the world. They need to be allowed to do the things that will create them. 

I’m not saying completely let the reigns go, but sometimes it’s a good idea to loosen them up, at least by the time they’re 16. Because in reality, in two years they’ll be 18 and be allowed to make their own decisions. 

“But they still live under my roof–my rules.” 

Correct, but that statement can only go so far. What if they find the means to leave? Just pick up their things and walk out of your front door? Don’t make it get to that situation. 

Keep your babies close, but still let them grow up. Let them blossom into the wonderful young adults you’ve always hoped they’d be. 

Quit smothering.

Quit hovering. 

Quit keeping tabs.

Quit double, triple, and quadruple texting them because they haven’t read your first one. 

They’re okay. And they’re always going to come back to you. 

Sincerly, 

A concerned friend. 

An Open Letter to Person I’m Not Good Enough For

To Whom It May Concern: 

I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you. I’m sorry I’ve caused you to think I couldn’t be something important. 

I’m sorry when you think of me, nothing good comes to mind. I’m sorry I can’t think of a single thing that should cause you to feel the way you do towards me. 

I shouldn’t care about what you think, but I do. It’s important to me when you’re important to me, important to people close to me. 

I should just live my life and not continue to worry about what I may or may not do next to make you mad, wonder if there’ll ever be a day you’ll finally be okay with me or if I’ll always be an outsider. 

I hate that you get to control almost every aspect of my life. (Almost) It’s not fair. Your opinion shouldn’t impact my life as much as it does, but maybe I’m the bigger person in this. (LOL) Maybe you’ve got something to figure out in your life. 

I just wish you’d stop taking it out on me. Who knows, maybe you don’t mean to, but you do. Always. I hate knowing there will be something else to try and piece together to wonder what else I could’ve done. 

The only time you’re ever nice to me is when you need something, or I’m helping you out in some way. That’s not cool. 

Maybe one day I’ll stop worrying about you. Maybe one day this resentment I have towards you will go away. Maybe one day we’ll meet in the middle and be able to coexist. 

Or maybe not. 

All I can honestly say is that I’m so sorry I’m not good enough for you. 

, Brittni 

Why It’s Okay to Be a Loner

I don’t have friends and I typically find myself alone. I’ve recently come to the conclusion though, I’m okay with that. 

When I say I’m alone, I’m not literally alone. I don’t have friends, but I do have people I go to.  I don’t spend every weekend at my “best friends” house watching movies and eating ice cream. I don’t constantly text a friend. But it doesn’t bother me at all. 

I have my boyfriend. I spend a lot of time walking the strip, catching the latest movies, drowning four wheelers, and being lazy around the house with him. I spend countless hours laughing at his dumb jokes or wrestling on the ground with him. So I’m not totally alone.

My best friend is my five-year old niece. I spend 98% of my time running around chasing her or walking through the woods to “Pennsilvinia.”

If I’m not with her, I spend Friday night, and Saturday night, and Sunday night…okay, let’s be honest, I probably spend six out of seven nights with my siblings. I couldn’t be happier than when I’m sitting around a table, eating something delicious, laughing my head off with the people who mean the most to me and the people who make me the happiest. 

It used to make me really sad knowing I don’t have anyone to rant to about stupid boys or school, but then it hit me. Why waste time on people who aren’t putting effort towards the friendship? Why put people before your family, or your relationship with God? Why put forth everything in a friendship when in the end, they’re more than likely not going to be your friend. 

It’s okay to be a loner. 

It’s okay to be happy when no one asks to go to the movies on a Friday night. 

It’s okay to not to miss the people who you planned your future weddings with. 

It’s okay to stop caring about people who stopped caring about you along time ago. 

It’s okay to not put up with people talking behind your back and pretending to be bffs with you to your face. 

It’s okay. 

As we’re going up, we learn life isn’t always easy and your best friend today might be your enemy tomorrow was. Growing up, you lose a lot of your childhood friend so. There may be no reason at all, except the fact that y’all grew up. It’s okay. 

I’m a loner and I’m okay with it because I’m done putting in effort where effort isn’t given back.

Old Friends…New Life

Most of the time we are told that once we leave high school, we are going to lose most of the friends we think we have. At the time I was told this, I was positive it was a lie; In my mind, I knew that the friends I had would be there with me forever, but what person doesn’t think that, right?

The two people I swore would be there with me through it all were the people I met back in elementary school. They were the perfect people in my eyes, the perfect friends. Granted, they weren’t friends with each other, but they were my best friends and I wouldn’t have ever changed anything for the world. They were my backbone, they were the people that were there for me when I went through a heartbreak or a hard time, when things were good and when things were bad.

I did everything with, lets call her “Agetha.” Agetha was the best friend anyone could ask for. Her family welcomed me in from the beginning, pretty much. Every single one of them treated me like I was part of the family. I called her mom and dad, mom and dad. I called her my sister. We were with each other all the time, practically day and night, weekends, vacations. You name it, we were doing it. I knew she was the friend I would have for the rest of my life since the day I started public school in second grade.

Fast forward two years to fourth grade. That’s when I met my second best friend, and we’ll call her “Annie.” Our friendship wasn’t as strong as mine and Agetha’s at the beginning, but eventually as the years went on, it grew. When things fell apart with Agetha or when Agethat wasn’t available, Annie was there. We had so much fun together, planned our futures as best friends together.

Then senior year in high school rolled around years later. Things started getting rocky with my friendship with Agetha. She started hanging out with other people and I guess you could say I got jealous. Things were said by other people, and one day by one day our friendship died. So then I was left with only Annie.

But believe me, there wasn’t anything bad about that. Annie was awesome. Annie was my best friend all throughout junior and senior year. Well most of senior year.

Then I met a boy…well I’ve known this boy, but this boy, we’ll call him Andrew, started meaning a lot to me. I’m not going to say that he’s the reason mine and Annie’s friendship died, but I feel like this had a big reason because once me and Andrew started getting serious, I felt as though Annie started pulling away.

Anyways, the point of this post is because lately, I’ve missed the heck out of both Annie and Agetha. I miss the two people who I called my best friends, my sisters. I miss having someone I could always count on, someone I could fangirl with, be stupid with.

And if by some crazy chance either of you see this, just know I miss you both and I hope one day we can be friends again.

So, I guess I can end this post by saying, when they said you’ll lose your friends after high school, they were right.

xo, B.