When You Just Can’t Seem To Win

Have you ever tried so hard to be the perfect someone? Whether it be for your parents, a significant other, or just someone you want to look perfect for…

Have you ever tried so hard to be the perfect someone, but you never ever seem to be able to do it? No matter what you do they always find fault in it, you’re never good enough.

For the last two years or so, I’ve been trying to live up to these unreachable standards that have been set by someone that shouldn’t even mean that much to me. I’ve wanted to be the perfect, model citizen. The person who doesn’t do any wrong, never says a bad word, doesn’t touch alcohol…the list is endless.

But recently I’ve realized, those thing I’ve been trying not to do are already part of who I am. I don’t cuss, I don’t drink, I don’t sleep around…I’m always comparing myself to the people that this person finds to be perfect, and I can’t see any way I’m not just as good as them.

I’m trying to be something that I already am and something that I’ll never be so for the people trying to live up to these realistic expectations, STOP. Stop trying to be something you’re not. Stop trying to be everything this person wants you to be. You are perfect the way you are and nothing will ever change that.

If someone can’t accept you for who you are, they aren’t worth being in your life. While you may miss out on a couple things in life by not living up to whatever they want, they’re missing out on so much more than they could ever imagine. You should feel bad for them. Don’t ever feel bad about not being “good enough” for them.

You’re good enough in someone’s eyes. You’re good enough in your mom and dad’s eyes. They’re just biggest critics. They love you.You’re good enough for your boyfriend or girlfriend. You’re just looking for reasons not to be. And you’re good enough for anyone else and if you’re not, forget them. They don’t matter.

You’re good enough.

Advertisements

An Open Letter to All The Overbearing Parents

Dear overbearing parents, 

I’ve been lucky enough to not have my parents constantly be overbearing, watching my every move, keeping tabs on who I’m hanging out with. They’ve given me the freedom to grow up while still being parents. 

The reason I’m writing this letter though is because I have friends who have these kind of parents. It bothers me because I see the pain they go through, the struggles they go through just to have a normal, social life. 

I’m not a parent, nor do I have parents who smother me, but I have observed that if you don’t let your kids be kids and make mistakes, they’re never going to grow up, they’re never going to be able to survive on their own. 

Kids need to be allowed to do things that scare them, create relationships that may not last a lifetime, adventure out into the world. They need to be allowed to do the things that will create them. 

I’m not saying completely let the reigns go, but sometimes it’s a good idea to loosen them up, at least by the time they’re 16. Because in reality, in two years they’ll be 18 and be allowed to make their own decisions. 

“But they still live under my roof–my rules.” 

Correct, but that statement can only go so far. What if they find the means to leave? Just pick up their things and walk out of your front door? Don’t make it get to that situation. 

Keep your babies close, but still let them grow up. Let them blossom into the wonderful young adults you’ve always hoped they’d be. 

Quit smothering.

Quit hovering. 

Quit keeping tabs.

Quit double, triple, and quadruple texting them because they haven’t read your first one. 

They’re okay. And they’re always going to come back to you. 

Sincerly, 

A concerned friend. 

An Open Letter to Person I’m Not Good Enough For

To Whom It May Concern: 

I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you. I’m sorry I’ve caused you to think I couldn’t be something important. 

I’m sorry when you think of me, nothing good comes to mind. I’m sorry I can’t think of a single thing that should cause you to feel the way you do towards me. 

I shouldn’t care about what you think, but I do. It’s important to me when you’re important to me, important to people close to me. 

I should just live my life and not continue to worry about what I may or may not do next to make you mad, wonder if there’ll ever be a day you’ll finally be okay with me or if I’ll always be an outsider. 

I hate that you get to control almost every aspect of my life. (Almost) It’s not fair. Your opinion shouldn’t impact my life as much as it does, but maybe I’m the bigger person in this. (LOL) Maybe you’ve got something to figure out in your life. 

I just wish you’d stop taking it out on me. Who knows, maybe you don’t mean to, but you do. Always. I hate knowing there will be something else to try and piece together to wonder what else I could’ve done. 

The only time you’re ever nice to me is when you need something, or I’m helping you out in some way. That’s not cool. 

Maybe one day I’ll stop worrying about you. Maybe one day this resentment I have towards you will go away. Maybe one day we’ll meet in the middle and be able to coexist. 

Or maybe not. 

All I can honestly say is that I’m so sorry I’m not good enough for you. 

, Brittni 

When I Finally Knew I Loved You

We knew each other for a few years. We interacted randomly throughout the school years, and more during baseball season, but that was it. We didn’t text ever, we never hung out. It was a once a year type of friendship. 

I never thought about you in a way that meant more than a friend. I was never attracted to you, even though I always thought you were “adorable.” Granted, I could’ve never been attracted to you because I always had a boyfriend. 

And then one day, everything changed. 

It was a typical game day. I was getting the concession stand ready, you were going to practice. The weather was perfect. You walked over to the concession stand for a drink, said hey to me, and my life hasn’t been the same since. 

You turned into a perfect human being. 

I began thinking about you all the time. 

I wanted to be around you. 

I wanted to talk to you. 

Suddenly, you became the only thing I could focus on. 

I was suddenly infatuated with you. I wanted to know everything there was to know about you. I was…

Obsessed, I guess you could say. 

Completely hooked. 

That day, I knew I had to make you mine. 

Day in and day out, I wondered what you thought about me. I couldn’t figure out how to approach the whole situation, so I relied on my friends. 

Hundreds of texts, hours of creeping, many pictures later, I dove in. 

Time went on and eventually our simple friendship turned into a constant flirt fest. Whenever we were around each other, there was never a dull moment. 

Flash forward to a few weeks from prom. I knew it was time to make my move…

This was it. 

I chunked a baseball at your head. And that baseball changed my life. 

Prom came, and by then I was already head over heels crazy about you. But that night, I knew I’d love you for the rest of my life. 

And honestly, the rest is history. 

Two years later and I wouldn’t change a thing about where we’ve ended up. 

I love you. Thank you for everything you’ve done over the last two years. Thank you for being the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for being so much more than I deserve. 

I love you.  

    
   

Why Growing Up With a Brother Made Me a Better Woman

One of the only men in this world I’ll ever trust is my brother. He’s basically my rock, my therapist, my best friend. 

He’s moved around a lot and each move is either further away from me or closer away. It’s always better when he’s back where he belongs in our good ole, washed up town. 

He understands me on a different level than anyone else, and I give him mad props because I’m a freaking hand full. 

Growing up with a brother has made me the woman I am today for many reasons, but there are a few important ones that really matter. 

Growing up with a brother has made me the woman I am today because he taught me not to take crap from anyone. He’s one to cut you off real quick when you don’t seem to change immature ways or you decide to pick fights just because. Because of him, I don’t put up with fights and stupid, immature people. 

Growing up with a brother has made me the woman I am today because he’s taught me who’s worth keep around. I don’t open up to people very well, and because of him he’s taught me how to let the right people in and that’s because we have to. 

Growing up with a brother has made me the woman I am today because he’s taught me to be strong-willed. He’s always done what he wanted, no matter who disapproved. I’ve learned to stop wanting the approval of everyone around me and just to do what makes me happy. 

There are so many reasons he’s made me the woman I am today, but the list would be endless. 

Having a brother growing up was truly a blessing because it’s allowed for an insight on the dumb boys I tend to surround myself with. He gives me the best fashion advice. He takes me to eat. He introduces me to awesome movies (Pretty Woman is now my fave). But it also sucks because man, that boy sure can beat me up. 

Thanks for being my therapist. 

And my rock. 

And my best friend. 

But most importantly, my brother. 

5 Reasons Why My Older Sister Rocks

Growing up, my older sister and I were polar opposites. We couldn’t have been more different. Granted, it was probably our age gap that put the strain on our relationship. She’s twelve years older than I am. 

I didn’t have the chance to rummage through her closet to find something cute to wear to school. I didn’t have her to give me dating advice when boys were new to me. She was really just a person I coexisted with until she moved out at eighteen and then it became far and few between when I would see her. You know, the occasional sleep over with her and my younger sister that felt more like a babysitting job. 

As I got older, the feeling of no relationship with my sister began to bother me. (If you haven’t learned by now, relationships mean a lot to me.) I would come home telling our mom, “She hates me. I don’t know what to do to make her like me, but she hates me.” And I’d cry. (I’m a crybaby, as well lol.) 

But then eventually everything changed. She got pregnant, and had my niece and then our relationship started to grow. Five years later and now she’s one of my best friends. 

Here’s five reasons why my older sister ROCKS:

  1. She gives the best advice! Whenever I’m not too sure about something, I run straight to my sister. I know she’ll always give me her honest opinion and won’t beat around the bush. 
  2. She’ll eat food and get her toes done with me whenever! Two things I love is eating, preferably Mexican food, and getting my toes done (mainly for the leg massage) and she’s my go to girl. When one of us are in the mood, our cells are out and we’re planning our date. 
  3. She’s opened her home to me! Yes, I’m twenty years old and I still live at home. (BROKE COLLEGE STUDENT OVER HERE) but come on, who can stand to stay at home with their parents 24/7? Not I! She’s basically gotten used to me being at her house when she gets off work, and I’m basically #6 in the family when planning for dinner 😉 
  4. She understands me! I’m not the easiest person to understand, but I’m also not the hardest person to understand. She takes what I say into consideration and really tries to understand what I’m feeling or saying. 
  5. She doesn’t hate me! Yep, after twenty years of life, I’ve found out my older sister doesn’t hate me. Surprise surprise, right?

I’m so lucky to have the relationship I do with my older sister and all the time I get to spend with her and her family. Too bad I still can’t steal her clothes cause her wardrobe is made up of button downs and black slacks for work and Nikes 194841 times too big for my feet. 

Thanks for being the best big sister anyone could ask for. 

An Open Letter to The Boy Who Broke My Heart

Dear ______, 

I gave you two years of my life. You promised me forever. We planned our future together. You had me tricked that you were my Once Upon a Time, but oh, that just wasn’t true. 

I don’t hate you though. Not at all. At first, I did. I felt so strongly about how much pain you put me through, that I honestly thought I hated you, but I can’t hate you for deciding you didn’t actually love me. It would’ve been selfish to force you to pretend.

I don’t regret the memories made, the laughs shared, the smiles captured, but I do regret the tears cried, the lies built, and the pretending we were happy. 

You broke my heart. I cried for a long time after we finally ended things. Even weeks after we called it quits, I thought I owed it to you if I talked to some guy or went on a daye. I thought I needed to call and tell you and apologize. It took me forever to realize you didn’t care. You didn’t answer my phone calls or reply to my texts. The only thing I ever got from you was a message saying that you were disappointed in me for hanging out with other guys. 

You ruined a lot for me. I’d go somewhere and have to leave because it reminded me of you. I would hear a song and I’d have to change it because it brought back memories of you.  From the first lie, the first time you said you needed time, I should’ve ran, but I didn’t. I tricked myself into believing you were different, that you didn’t really mean any of the mean things you did or said to me. I should’ve listened to my head and I should’ve  ran far, far away. 

It didn’t take long for you to move on and find a new girlfriend. It hurt. I was extremely jealous. And I spent hours endlessly creeping on the two of you. Eventually, I found out you treated that girl the same way. 

Not everything was negative about our relationship. You taught me not to give my all to someone who didn’t put the same effort in. You taught me not to give something up just to make someone stay. You taught me how to love someone truly and with my whole heart. You taught me not to give people chances who did not deserve my trust. But most importantly, you taught me how to forgive. 

I hope life is treating you well and you treat your next girl better than you treated me. 

Sincerely, 

Brittni.