An Open Letter to My Nieces

Dear Nieces, 

I never in a million years would have thought I’d love two people the way I love the both of you.

Madsey, I’ve loved you for six, almost seven, years. You’ve been my best friend for those years. You’ve wiped tears away and told me not to be sad, that you loved me. Even at such a young age, you understood me. 

Lauryn, I will meet you today, but I’ve loved you since the second your mom and dad told me about you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I cannot wait to add another best friend to my life. 

The two of you mean more to me than you’ll ever know. I will always love when you laugh, when you cry, when you beg me to play things I don’t want to. 

I will always be here for you guys. When you just don’t think you can go to your mom and dad, I will always be a listening ear. I will always be someone you can come to when you need advice on guys or make up. 

It’s so hard for me to write this because I cannot put into words the love I have for you two. 

I’m so blessed to be able to call the two of you my nieces. People always say they have the best ones, but it’s not true. 

You’re both beautiful. 

You’re both strong. 

You’re both incredibly loved. 

I just want you to know that no matter what, no matter the distance, I am here and I love you. 

Always. 

Love, 

Britt-Britt/Bon-Bon ❤️

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An Open Letter to Danny Gokey

Dear Danny Gokey,

I want to start this post of by explaining why I’m writing this to you.

I recently went through a break-up and it absolutely destroyed me. Day in and day out, I’d find myself crying my eyes out at the most random times and at literally everything. I had crazy thoughts going through my head for the longest time. I honestly just felt like I couldn’t go on with life.

Why?

Simply over a boy who I devoted more time into than I did God. When me and said boy began dating, we had God be the center of our relationship, we’d go to church together, we’d listen to Christian music together, we’d pray together when we would leave each other. Then over time, He became less and less the focus of our relationship and pretty much became nonexistent.

I found myself thinking that after we broke up, God was punishing me. God was mad at me because I stopped giving time to Him, I stopped thanking Him for everything He did for me. Which in turn made me mad at God. I yelled at Him daily. I begging Him to bring the guy back to me.

Until my mom told me to pray, to reach out to God, reach out to Godly people. And that’s exactly what I did.

I reached out to a girl I grew up with whom I knew was a devoted Christian and she told me about your song Tell Your Heart to Beat Again. When she first told me to listen to it, I didn’t. I told myself that it was just another depressing song I’d listen to and cry because once again, I wasn’t good enough.

Until one day, I felt like God reached out to me and told me to listen to the song. He wanted to calm my broken and weary heart. So I turned on your song…

“Shattered like you’ve never been before. The life you knew in a thousand pieces on the floor…” 

As soon as those words hit my ears, I knew this song was going to be more than a song to me, as weird as that may be.

I continued to listen to this song on repeat for days. I wrote some of the lyrics on the dry erase boards in my room for daily reminders. When I started getting sad again, I’d play your song.

“Yesterday’s a closing door. You don’t live there anymore. Say goodbye to where you’ve been and tell your heart to beat again.” 

And that’s what I had to do. I had to forget about the things that happened in my yesterdays. I had to realize that I no longer was apart of a world where I let a single boy control everything I did and said. I had to say goodbye to the girl I was for almost three years, and I had to tell my broken heart that it needed to beat again and be whole.

Let every heartbreak and every scar be a picture that reminds you who has carried you this far cause love seems farther than you ever could.”

Finally, I had to tell myself that this heartbreak I was going through, God did it, but He didn’t do it in a malicious way. He did it because He knew I needed to go through that before I find the Godly man He knows I deserve. I had to tell myself that God was holding my hand and He was walking with me through the pain.

Last night, February 4, 2017, I attended Winter Jam in Atlanta with no intention of seeing you there or hearing your music. I mean, why would I? You weren’t on the line-up.

You walked out on stage, sang a few songs, and then you sang Tell Your Heart to Beat Again. It took all I had in me not to break down then and there. All I could do was close my eyes and raise my hands up to the Lord because that day I found myself thinking about my ex again, and whether or not God intended it to happen, hearing that song told me to “get back up, take step one, leave the darkness” and feel the sun.

So with all of that being said, thank you, Danny Gokey, for helping me realize that this is all apart of God’s plan and there is a much greater plan that He has for me.

 

Sincerely,

 

A dedicated fan.

 

 

An Open Letter to The Girl Who Dates Him Next

Dear ______,

I don’t know whether to say congratulations, you’re so lucky, or to tell you to run away as fast as you can. As Jana Kramer says, I got the boy, but I can’t tell you if you got the man.

I guess I want to tell you a little bit of both.

You are lucky. He’s a great guy. He’ll love you and he’ll show you so much affection it’ll make you sick. But he’ll also probably lie to you about something stupid because he knows what he’s done bothers you. He’ll probably get mad at you because you’re trying to explain something to him but he feels you’re telling him he’s stupid.

You’re lucky because you’ll get someone who tells you he loves you and you make him happy daily, but you also need to run because he just might be lying. He might be telling you that because that’s what he thinks you need to hear right now.

You’re lucky because you have someone who will try really hard to love the things you love and will introduce you to the things he does and you’ll fall in love with those as well, but you should run because sometimes his family makes life too hard. Sometimes his family tries to control every single aspect of your relationship, and while they’re great people, sometimes it becomes too much to handle.

You’re lucky because you got the person I loved so deeply and passionately. You’re lucky because you get to hold what use to be my world in your arms whenever you want to.

But there’s a few things you should know…

He’s indecisive.

He wants you to support him, but don’t ever tell him when he’s wrong.

He pretends you’re important to him, but he’ll probably choose his friends over you.

He won’t stick up for you when it comes to his friends and family because you can “handle yourself.”

He’ll depend on you a little too much where it gets to the point you feel like his mom.

He’s moody.

He’s very emotional.

He’ll lie.

And then act like “sorry” is the answer to any problem.

He’ll ignore any problems that arise.

He’ll tell you things you want to hear…

And make you feel on top of the world.

He’ll stop caring.

He’ll tell you he feels nothing for you.

He’ll tell you he’s done for good…his feelings are never coming back.

And then he’ll leave you.

So right now you are lucky, but a few months from now, maybe even a year or two, you might be the one telling another girl to run as fast as she can.

To The Girl Finally Turning The Page

 This post is for all the girls who spend days, weeks, or even months curled up in a ball in bed crying your eyes out, begging him to come back. This post is for all the girls out there that finally decided that they spent far too many hours obsessing over a guy who probably hasn’t thought about them twice…or even once for that matter.

Like many of my other posts, I take forever to write them. I spend so much time trying to find the right words to say to my followers, and really myself, that by the time I write it, feelings have completely changed. 

Obviously by my past blog posts, you all know that I recently went through a break-up. While it was totally mutual, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I spent the first couple of weeks constantly thinking about him, wondering where he was or who he was with. I stalked the heck out of his social media. 

People would still ask me about him and I’d break down. I’d hear a song we use to jam to, and I’d cry. So many things would remind me of him, and I would always lose it.

Then one day, everything changed. I decided I really didn’t want him anymore. It took weeks for me to realize that I wasn’t missing him; I was missing the constant companionship. I was missing always having someone to call/text when I wanted to go eat or go to the movies or to go shopping. I missed having someone to send a funny video to or a stupid joke. I didn’t miss him though. 

I learned that there were too many differences in our lives. I learned that I should have never planned a future with someone I started dating in high school. I learned I shouldn’t have taken for granted all the memeories we made. I learned that no matter how bad we wanted it to work, no matter how much we claimed we loved each other, that there just wasn’t a future for us. 

God puts certain people in your life at certain times to teach you lessons. He puts friends in your life to teach you who to trust and how to trust. He puts you in a relationship to teach you how to love and to allow you to learn how much you’re willing to put up with. Every person He takes from you is there to help move you along in life. 

It was a fun ride. It was a long, stressful two and a half years. We went through a lot of things in two and a half years that people shouldn’t go through, but we did it together. There were so many good things I’ll take from my relationship, but there were also many bad things that I don’t want to remember. 

So to the girl who’s finally ready to turn the page to the next chapter, congratulations. It’s hard and takes a lot to reach that point after a long relationship. 

Start focusing on yourself. Find yourself if you lost it in the person you were with. Read books. Go on trips. Go see your favorite artist in concert. Visit museums. Have lots of girls night. Eat all the Mexican food your little heart desires. 

And enjoy this next chapter. 

The Final Goodbye of 2016

Falling in love with you was the worst decision I’ve ever made. 

Three years ago, I made that decision to love you. To love you with every part of me, fully and fearlessly. Through the bad and through the good. The hard and the easy. The boring and the exciting. 

And boy, did I have to put up with some crap that I shouldn’t have had to, but I did and I stayed and I stuck by your side. And loved you more than anything. 

I planned my entire future around you. I planned it to be with you. And you did, too. 

Until one day you decided I was no longer apart of your future or your present. 

You decided there was no place left for me in your life. There was no more happiness, there was no more laughs, there was no more adventure. 

When you left, it broke me. You took my heart with you. I lost apart of me–if not most of me.

It’s funny, isn’t it? You spend so much time with someone, and for some reason you become their everything, their entire world. And then one day, you decide to leave and then they’re left with nothing. 

It’s so funny to me because I did make you my world and that was my biggest mistake. It’s hard to go places because every one of my favorite places, I took you to. All the songs I once loved are so hard to listen to because you started loving them as well. So many memories were made with you that I want to so badly forget about. 

When we first broke up, all I wanted was for you to come back to me. All I wanted was to wake up to a text, or see you at my door, but it never happened. Every day I wanted you back, you were busy moving on with your life. 

It’s only been about three weeks, and it’s still hard, but it’s getting easier every day. I miss you less and less, I wonder what you’re doing less and less, but there is still a part of me that wishes you’d change your mind.

I do wish you nothing but the best. I have nothing bad to say about you because you are amazing. You’ve always been amazing. You’re so caring, and loving, and you’re so sweet. You’re supportive and you’re trustworthy. 

Once you do a little growing up, someone is going to be so lucky to have you. They’ll get to see what I’ve seen in your from the beginning. 

As I say goodbye to 2016, I also say goodbye to you. The piece of my heart that I lost. 

Thank You

imageDear siblings,

Thank you for being the best brothers and sisters anyone could ever ask for.

I am so blessed and lucky to be able to call the four of you my siblings.

I don’t know where I would be without y’all. There is more to the word “brother” or sister” when it comes to you guys. When it comes to y’all, two words come to mind– best friends. I know I often complain about not having friends, and being lonely, but I have the greatest people in my life. No one compares to you guys.

So thank you.

Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for always answering your phones when I need someone to talk to. Thank you for meeting me at Waffle House at 12 AM and watching me cry. Thank you for always replying to my texts when I need to vent about how stupid people are or how much I hate work. Thank you for sharing your children with me.

Thank you for listening to me talk for hours about nothing, and pretending to be interested. Thank you for attempting to watch shows I love with me and not tell me to shut up every time I talk. Thank you for watching the stupid television shows and movies I love and you guys hate.

Thank you for letting me borrow your clothes and shoes. Thank you for giving me fashion advice because Lord knows I need it more than anything. Thank you for introducing me to movies I’ve never seen or music I’ve never heard. Thank you for going to endless concerts with me.

Thank you for inviting me into your homes, allowing me to crash on your couches–or daughter’s bed. Thank you for going to Barnes and Noble every time I want another book, even if I have twelve I still need to read. Thank you for letting me eat your food, and steal your movies, and drag you to the donut shops or mexican where the waiters totally hit on you the entire time.

Thank you for the endless laughs, jokes, and pedicures. Thank you for all the late nights, the hot dogs, and the coffee dates. Thank you for letting me use your discounts. Thank you for supporting me in everything I do. Thank you for giving me lots of love, even if it’s rarely ever said. Thank you for telling me I stink when I come home from work.

I could go on forever on why I’m so thankful to have y’all as my best friends, but there wouldn’t be enough time in the world. I never in a million years would have thought that we would be where we are today in our relationship, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Just know whenever any of you need anything, I’m always here and that will never change.

Thank you for being my best friends.

When Life Throws a Different Pitch

If you’re anything like me, you know where your life is going, you know what your future holds, your future job, your future wedding will be like, and who you’re going to marry.

Or you don’t know anything.

Maybe you’ll get married in 3 years, or maybe something amazing will happen and you’ll get married in a year. Maybe you’ll start school and graduate in four years, or maybe you’ll start and never finish because you decide college isn’t for you.

But I’m here to tell you, it’s okay if you don’t know what you want in life.

It’s okay if you want to change your major 7 times. Maybe you wanting to try out being a teacher and that was terrifying. Maybe you thought you wanted to be a policeman and the thought of never coming home one day wasn’t one you wanted. Or maybe you thought you wanted to be an engineer and all the science and math classes just weren’t your taste. That’s okay. It’s all trial and error and eventually you’ll figure out what you want. And if you don’t, that’s okay, too.

BUT it is okay if you konw exactly what your major is and you’ve known for years now. It’s okay if you went in the first day of classes, sat in the front row, and made friends with your professors. It’s okay if you went to your first classroom on your first day of observations, looked at your observating teacher, and told him/her that this is what you’ve wanted for as long as you can remember. It’s okay to be confident in the choices you make in your educational life.

It’s okay if you don’t want to get married at 24. Sometimes jumping right into marriage is scary for people. The thought of spending the rest of your life with someone, spending infinite hours and days and years with that person is something you haven’t reached in life yet. That’s okay. Find someone who is willing to wait until you are ready to take that next step in life.

But it’s also okay if you’re ready to get married at the age of 22. There are some people in the world that cannot wait to say “I do” to the man or woman of their dreams–that would be me. Sometimes in life, you just find the one. You find the one who gives you butterflies everytime they say your name, or smile that oh-so-adorable smile. You find the one where you can’t bear to live a day without them, and you know that no matter what happens, that is the one you want to be with forever. That is okay.

It’s okay if you never find a major you love, or a dog who suits your every need, or your favorite food, or your favorite sport. It’s okay to want to try new or different things. It’s okay to question decisions. It’s okay to not know what you want at all times. It’s okay to know what you want as well.

Just remember, at any given moment, life can throw you a fastball, and then switch it up with a curveball, but you’ll always end with a homerun.

It’s okay.